I managed to resist reading “Lean In” by Sheryl Sandberg for a while. Based on the media coverage and online conversation, I understood it to be a self-help book for women at a crossroads in their careers: Should I step back and focus more on my family or should I make some personal sacrifices and reach for the top? I already have the answer to that question, so I decided to focus my precious reading time on fiction escapes.
But after my friend and coworker announced she was planning to read it, I decided to, well, lean in. The subject matter is super relevant to me — work-life balance — and I knew I’d have at least one like-minded person with whom I could debate its merits.
People often assume “Lean In” is all about challenging women to go for more power and more money, even if it comes at a cost to their families. And about questioning them for wanting any less. I was surprised to find a well-researched review of the state of women in power and the macro implications of a trend that suggests we are less inclined to pursue leadership positions than one would expect in 2013. I didn’t feel pressured to be Sheryl Sandberg. Instead I started to think beyond my own choices and how our collective apathy today might impact the future for our daughters.
Sandberg also reveals several dynamics that hold women back, providing a mirror I very much needed to look into. For example, women are hesitant to tout their accomplishments or overstate their capabilities. To do so makes us less likeable in the eyes of our colleagues and clients. Men are expected to behave this way and are even admired for it. A few male counterparts came to mind immediately.
Sandberg brings enough of her personal story into the book to humanize herself, although I couldn’t always identify with what she shared. She talks about how even she isn’t always comfortable with her choices, telling a story about dropping her daughter off at preschool and informing her she had to go catch a plane for a business meeting. She said her daughter did “that holding onto the leg thing,” which made it very hard for her to leave. Calling it a “thing” kind of turned my stomach. I thought about how her daughter (who will surely read her book and watch her TED talk) would feel about her mother characterizing those very real feelings of separation anxiety as a “thing.”
I may not be a C-level executive at a Fortune-class company, but I find my work gives me opportunities to influence the future for women. I won’t change my career path as a result of reading “Lean In,” but I will think differently about some of my behaviors and how they might enable a world where women are not encouraged to sit at the table when important decisions are made.