Dear Hoboken: I’m leaving you

Dear Hoboken,

When I met you almost exactly 12 years ago, I had no idea how long our affair would last. I was single, 28 and considering a job in New York City. Many of my friends who worked in the city suggested you’d be a great stepping stone while I figured out where I really wanted to live.

I decided to check you out before committing to the job, so my mother and I came up for a weekend visit. As we approached on Park Avenue, I got my first glimpse of the unparalleled view you offer of the Manhattan skyline. I spent the weekend shopping in your boutiques, eating in your amazing restaurants and looking at mostly mediocre apartments. In 2000, there were only a handful of luxury apartment buildings in town. At some point, my mother said to me, “I’m afraid if you don’t try this, you’re going to regret it.” She rarely finds anyone or anything good enough for her baby. Later that day, I signed a lease on an apartment that was under construction. Two months after that, I arrived with all my worldly possessions and promptly received my first parking ticket.

I was not looking for a long-term relationship when I met you. But that’s exactly what we’ve had. If only I’d known, I could have bought an apartment for $150,000 instead of the $500,000+ I paid. Not only did I enjoy five solid years of singlehood within your square mile (which boasts more bars per capita than any other US town) but I started my business, met my husband and gave birth to two children. In fact, our relationship has outlasted any other I’ve had with a hometown.

But it’s time for me to move on. It’s not you, Hoboken, it’s me. And my husband. And my daughter and her Barbie Dream House. There’s also my son and his growing collection of cars. And my obsessive need to throw anything that’s not been touched for more than 48 hours in the trash.

I’m not going to say goodbye because we’ll see each other again. Like when I turn up in my office on River Street. Until then, a top-ten list of ways you know you’ve lived in Hoboken for more than a decade:

1. You danced at Miss Kitty’s Dance Hall Floozies until the wee hours.
2. You shopped at A&P because it was the only market in town and you can recall the rotten odor that used to emit from the mysterious buildings near what’s now Shop-Rite.
3. You’ve seen men in dark suits conducting business while standing outside their town cars under the viaduct.
4. You remember when Pier A and Frank Sinatra parks were the only ways to access the waterfront and what’s now Maxwell Place was actually a coffee factory.
5. You used to live next to a structure that seemed to have no purpose until Thanksgiving, when Macy’s parade floats suddenly emerged.
6. You parked in the back of Hoboken late at night where there were single family homes with barking dogs tied up outside … before there were luxury condominiums.
7. You never felt more connected to your community than you did on 9/11 when we lost more residents than any single town surrounding NYC.
8. You had the opportunity to vote for a mayor who was later incarcerated for corrupt behavior. Oh wait, there were two.
9. You remember a time when there was not one stroller in Hoboken and you yourself now have three. In your dining room.
10. You think of Carlo’s as a good Italian bakery, not a destination worthy of crossing international borders to reach.